Fact #1: there are some women out there who very much enjoy using dildos.
Fact #2: there are also just as many women out there who don’t particularly enjoy using dildos at all.
Here’s why those facts are relevant:
If you’re trying to get your wife to enjoy or become comfortable with imagining black guy being inside her and you’re using a dildo as a “surrogate cock”, you may very well be wasting your time at best, or hurting your chances at worst—especially if your wife isn’t the kind of woman who very much enjoys using dildos. Allow me to explain.
Women who very much enjoy using dildos tend to:
have better, more vivid imaginations than women who don’t enjoy using dildos
be more connected to their sexualities than women who don’t enjoy using dildos
be better at experiencing simulations/fantasies/roleplaying as “real” than women who don’t enjoy using dildos
If your woman doesn’t already enjoy using a dildo, she therefore most likely has a hard time with the above things. Not only that, but trying to get her to experience pleasure for your fantasy while having her use a dildo—which we already know she doesn’t get much pleasure in—is only going to result in her associating your fantasy with a lack of pleasure.
Lastly, it’s going to reinforce the idea that she doesn’t have any desire to explore your fantasy because she’ll interpret her lack of pleasure while using the dildo and imagining getting fucked by someone else as evidence that she won’t enjoy it in reality.
(Sidenote: If you happened to realize the above reasoning is circular in a way, you’d be right. But you need to remember the emotional part of the brain (the part that women use to make decisions about emotional topics like sex) doesn’t play by the rules of logic. It may be a fallacy to reason in a circular fashion, but it isn’t fallacious to feel in a circular fashion.)
Trying to get a woman who doesn’t enjoy dildos to imagine the dildo as someone else’s cock is putting the cart before the horse. It rarely, if ever, works out. If you want to know what to do instead, keep reading. It has to do with restructuring your fantasy and we’ll get to that in a minute.
What About Women Who Enjoy Using Dildos?
For those of you asking the question, “Does this mean if my woman is the type who enjoys using dildos that I should try and get her into the idea of my fantasy by having her imagine getting fucked by someone else while using a dildo?”…
….the answer is no and here’s why.
Even if you can get your woman to enjoy the experience of using a dildo while imagining your fantasy, it won’t ever be enough to get her to open her mind to explore your fantasy in reality. In order for her to be willing to take the plunge and do it in reality, she’s going to need to connect with the fantasy on deeper levels than just enjoying the naughty thrill of imagining a dildo is someone else’s cock.
And this is, not surprisingly, where the biggest sticking point is for guys whose wives are willing to play along with their fantasy in bed but aren’t willing to take steps to make it happen in reality. The wife clearly enjoys the fantasy as a fantasy, but doesn’t want to do it in reality. The key to getting past this sticking point has to do with what I mentioned earlier about restructuring your fantasy.
Restructuring Your Fantasy
Restructuring your fantasy will help your wife connect in deeper ways to what are known as the meta-reasons for why this fantasy appeals to you. You see, you need to remember that as men, we tend to view our fantasy happening as achieving a goal or getting to a certain ends. Women don’t conceptualize and experience the world in that way. For women, this fantasy happening needs to be more of a seduction; they need to make emotional connections with it.
So what do I mean by restructuring your fantasy?
Well, let’s imagine you want your wife to try a new foreign restaurant with you. You could tell her the food looks good to you and that you want to try it out even though you know not many people like this particular type of foreign food, but you think it looks good and you also think she’ll like it and enjoy the food.
If you want her to actually want to go with you though, the above approach will fall flat on it’s face.
Instead of this, let’s say you tell her you want her to embark on a spontaneous culinary adventure with you, one that you personally guarantee she’s not only going to like but love more than anything she’s ever done with you before. You go on to tell her the culinary adventure will be going to this new foreign restaurant people are talking about, one which you at first you thought “No way I’d ever go there,” but you kept hearing how good the food was. So you looked into it and when you actually saw the menu, you found yourself thinking some dishes could maybe be good. And you thought she might like it too because some of the dishes would be up her alley. To bring it all home, you tell her that you always love doing new things with her, whether they wind up going over like led zeppelins or gangbusters. That’s when you pick her up, spin her in a circle, kiss her and tell her “So, mi amore, what do you say? Would you accompany me on the adventure of a lifetime?” The second approach is designed to appeal to her on a meta-level and get her to conceptualize the experience in a way that will emotionally resonate with her.
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